What You Say to a Child During Divorce Can Leave Lifelong Resentment

One of the most difficult questions after deciding to divorce is, ??How should I tell the child???

In actual divorce consultations, many people worry more about how to tell their children about the divorce than about division of marital property or custody.

In this video, we explain practical standards focusing on what must be said to a child during divorce and what must never be done.

Some parents try to hide the divorce or move past the situation with lies, but children notice changes faster than many adults expect.

When the situation changes without any explanation, children may think, ??Is this because of me??? and blame themselves.

Therefore, although there is no need to explain every detail, it is important to honestly communicate the minimum facts and circumstances.

? Key principles when explaining divorce to a child Tell the child shortly before separation begins to reduce unnecessary anxiety If possible, both parents should sit together and deliver the same message Never use emotional expressions or blame the other parent

The content of what is said has the greatest impact on the child.

? Words that must be avoided Expressions blaming one parent, such as ??Dad did something wrong?? or ??This is Mom??s fault?? Questions that force the child to choose, such as ??Do you want to live with Mom or Dad???

These words can leave the child with guilt and confusion, and may also affect how the child views parental relationships in the long term.

? Words that must be said ??This is absolutely not your fault.?? ??Mom and Dad will live separately, but the fact that we are your parents will not change.??

These two messages alone can greatly reduce the anxiety and sense of responsibility the child may feel.

The way the message is delivered should also differ depending on the child??s age. For young children, it is important to explain concrete changes in daily life. Elementary school children often ask for reasons, so a neutral explanation is needed.

For middle and high school students, they often already understand the situation, so explaining honestly rather than hiding it may be a better way to preserve trust.

In short, the most important issue in the divorce process is how the message is delivered.

Even in the same situation, the extent of the child??s emotional hurt can vary greatly depending on the way it is explained.

Divorce ends the marital relationship, but it does not end the role of being a parent.

More important than division of marital property or damages is the process of helping the child accept the situation in a healthy way.

If you are already considering divorce, it is necessary to review not only the legal issues but also the impact on your child.